Healing
by garretelliot
Summary: Did Elliot go home alone after Contagious or not?
1. Default Chapter

Title-Healing   
Author- garrettelliot  
Rating- R to be safe  
Summary- After the fadeout on Contagious did El go home alone.  
Disclaimer- Yeah, I know, not mine either.  
Author Note- This one is for FaithHopeLove who encouraged me to post it. Once again, no beta, blame only me (if there is a beta out there I looking.) While I am a huge O/E fan, Elliot is way too close to the edge. I just want the guy stable before it breaks my heart. (I cried when El got teary outside Dobbins' house.) Dick, you are a mean man! Bad Dick, bad Dick! This was not an easy one and parts still don't feel good. Please r and r. (virtual quarter to the person who spots what doesn't feel right.) -

-

Olivia watched as Elliot blew out the candles and hugged all four kids at once. He looked around at her and mouthed 'Thanks'. Suddenly her eyes widened as she looked past him. He turned to see Kathy standing in the doorway holding a bag.

"Happy Birthday El. The children took off so fast they forgot your presents." Kathy held out the bag and looked unsure of what to say next.

"Thanks, Kath. He took the bag. "I'm glad you let them come." He winced. 'Damn I sound as unsure as she does.'

Kathy just nodded sadly and as she turned to leave, Elliot noticed the tears in her eyes. He followed her into the hall.

"Kathy?" She kept walking. He reached for her arm at the elevator doors.

"Babe, what is it?" He could feel her trembling.

"Elliot, don't. I can't do this right now. Not in public." Elliot could hear the tears in her voice.

"Come on, we need to talk." She shook her head.  
"Please, baby?"

"Not here, El. I don't want to break down and embarrass you." Her arms were wrapped tightly around her waist as if she were holding herself together.

"We can go in the interview room." He touched her shoulder. "Please, Kath."

"Alright." She turned to follow him.

As they walked through the bullpen, he looked at Olivia and the kids. "Can you guys hang on? We'll be back."

Elliot closed the door and drew in a deep breath. He had been dreading talking to Kathy, he figured this was when she would ask for a divorce. The silence was heavy as they both searched for the words to say.

"You'd think after twenty years and four kids I'd be able to talk to you, but I haven't been this nervous since I asked you out the first time." Elliot joked weakly. "Where do we start?"

"I'm sorry might be a good place." Kathy said

"Baby, tell me where on the list of my screw-ups you want me to start and I'll apologize for each and every one." Elliot said sincerely.

"No El, I meant I'm sorry." Kathy's voice broke.

"Sorry for what, Baby? Finally having enough? Kath you tried, I'm the one who fucked it all up."

"Elliot, please sit down and listen. I need to explain what's going on with me."

"Okay, I'm listening." He sat in a chair.

"You didn't screw it up all by yourself, El. You stopped talking and I stopped listening. We both just quit trying. I tried so hard to be a good mom and a good wife. I just was so overwhelmed. That last morning at the house I couldn't get out of bed. I just lay there for hours, staring at the ceiling and suddenly I had the bottle of sleeping pills Dr. Adams prescribed for me in my hand and I didn't remember picking them up. It scared me so bad I just packed our things and left. I think if the kids had been at school, if I'd been alone in the house I'd have taken those pills. That's why I ran, I was afraid if I didn't get out of there I'd do it."

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?" He pulled her into his lap and held her for the first time in months. Kathy began to tremble and Elliot let her go. "I'm sorry baby, I never meant to hurt you so much. You can't even stand for me to touch you now, can you?" There were tears in his eyes.

"Oh El, God no! What makes you think that?"

"Every time I've touch you tonight you shake."

"Elliot, I want you to touch me. I want you to hold me and love me the way you used to." Kathy said as tears coursed down her face. "I want to throw my arms around you and never let go."

"Why would that be a bad thing, Kathy? We don't have to be apart unless it's what you want. I just want you happy, baby."

"Elliot, I love you. I love you so much it hurts, but I can't go back to how we were. The distance was killing me, having you beside me in bed, but so far away. I can't go on that way. I felt you slipping further away from me and I felt so lost. But living apart from you is just as bad, I feel like a part of me is missing. Do you remember the last time we made love? On our anniversary, almost a year ago. I can't go on being the only one in love; it hurts too much, El. And what hurts more is you weren't honest enough to tell me you weren't in love with me anymore."

"Kathy, I .. " She placed her finger on his lips.

"You love the mother of your children; I know that. But you're not in love with me. You barely touched me. You used to come in no matter how late it was and pull me to you and hold me while we slept. Before I left you didn't even kiss me anymore. I can't lie in bed next to you, needing your touch and not have it, El." She was sobbing now, barely able to speak. "I thought I could hang onto loving you and that would be enough. But I'm not strong enough to go on with just a memory of what it was like when you were in love with me. I had to leave first, because if you left me I'd die. This is what I didn't want. I didn't want to beg you to love me."

Elliot held her and let her cry. He wondered how things had gotten this out of control. Kathy truly believed he wasn't in love with her, when all he could think of since she left was how to get her back in his arms. It was time to put his family back together. As Kathy calmed enough to hear him he pulled back a little, still holding her.

"Kathy, baby, I am still in love with you. I love you more today than the day we were married. I don't know myself what was going on with me before you left. But since you've been gone, I've reached for you at least a dozen a night." Elliot brushed the tears from her cheeks never noticing his own. "Please come home, babe. We'll work this all out, I'll do anything, marriage counseling, you name it. I just need you. I'm no good without you, Kathy."

She touched his cheek. "I am home, you're my home, baby."

"I love you, Katherine Elizabeth Stabler." He kissed her until they were both breathless. "Does that feel like the kiss of a man who doesn't love you?" He whispered across her lips. He pulled her hand to his crotch. "Does that feel like I don't want you?" He murmured into her ear. "I hope you got plenty of sleep at your mother's, because I may keep you in bed for a week, proving to you how much I love you and want you." He kissed the spot on her neck that always drove her crazy.

"Come home baby. Come home not because I need my wife and kids. Come home with me because I need the woman I love, the only woman I have ever loved. Let me spend the rest of my life showing you how in love with you I am."

"Oh Elliot, I've needed to hear that for months." Kathy sighed as he nibbled her neck. "El, we have to stop, the kids are waiting."

"Let them wait." He slid a hand up the inside of her thigh, chuckling deep in his throat as she clutched his shoulders and moaned. "I'm busy with my girl."

"Elliot Richard Stabler, behave yourself. Children, home," She stroked the front of his trousers. "Then bed."

They stood and straightened each other's clothes. Elliot held Kathy's face between his hands.

"Never doubt, I love you more than my life and I want and need you always, baby. Always!"

"Just never stop loving me, Elliot." She smiled at him.

They walked out into the bullpen. "Time to go kids, tomorrows a school day and Maureen has exams." Kathy said.

"But Mom, we haven't spent any time with Dad." Lizzie pouted.

Dickie piped up. "Can't we stay a little longer, it's Dad's birthday?"

"How about dinner and then home, troops?" Elliot said pulling Kathy into his arms.

"Our home, not Nana's." She leaned back into Elliot's arms. "Permanently."

"You guys are getting back together?" Maureen asked.

"Yes Reni, Dad and I back together." All four kids squealed and mobbed their parents, talking at once.

Cragen came up beside Olivia. "Is this what I hope it is?"

"Yeah Cap. They're back together." Olivia couldn't stop smiling.

"Well maybe now I can get one of my best detectives back." Don smiled. "Join me for a drink to celebrate?"

"Captain, I can't think of anything I'd rather do." Liv grinned at him. "But you're buying."

Elliot looked up at Cragen over the heads of his children. "Cap,"

Before he could finish, Cragen interrupted him. "Take a week, Elliot. Hell take two, we'll survive." He walked over and kissed Kathy on the cheek. "Welcome back. And don't pull a stunt like that again. If he gets out of line call me, I'll have Olivia kick his butt for you." He smiled at her.

"Thanks Don." Kathy grinned, "I may take you up on that some time. Think you can handle it, Liv."

"No problem, Kath. Anything for a friend."

"Dad, can Aunt Liv really kick your butt?" Dickie asked.

"Any day of the week and twice on Sundays, son." Elliot grinned at his partner. "Now I'm going to take my family home, before my partner teaches my daughters to do the same."

-TBC   
A/N- This was originally written differently, but Kathy jumped up in my brain and rewrote it. Boy, am I glad she's such a pushy character. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go dry the tears off my keyboard. I cried through most of this. I'll update soon. Please read and review, even if you hate K/E. I accept anonymous reviews too.


	2. Healing Chapter Two

Title-Healing Chapter Two Author- garrettelliot Summary- Kathy's mother has something to say. Disclaimer- If they were mine, yeah I know wishing does no good. Dick Wolf is a very selfish man. Authors Note- FaithHopeLove you are the woman. Thanks for the beta and the encouragement. As I said in the note at the beginning of chapter one I love O/E pairings but this one just wouldn't let me go. 

As Elliot and Dickie loaded the car, El could hear Kathy's mother, Mary tearing into her. The arguments were nothing new. Mary was on Kathy about something at least once a week since they had started dating. El just wished Kathy hadn't asked him not to step in. There were a few things he'd wanted to say to Mary Donohue for years. 

"Dickie, go get your sisters and wait in the car, okay. I'm gonna go get Mom." Elliot walked into the hallway and started toward the living room door. 

"Kathryn Elizabeth, I cannot believe how naïve you're being about this man. He leaves you alone, sometimes for days while he's off with his 'partner', not that I believe they're working all that time, and now you just take him back? You are a fool if you think he's in love with you. You are much better off without him." 

"Mom, Elliot does love me and he's never been unfaithful. I don't believe he could cheat on me; he's not the kind of man who breaks his word. As for Olivia Benson, she is one of the best friends either Elliot or I have ever had and she wouldn't do anything to hurt either one of us. I wouldn't trust anyone else to watch Elliot's back." 

"Humph, his back's not all she's watching or touching, I'm sure. I wish to God, I'd never let you marry him, pregnant or not. You know he only married you because you got pregnant and the ink wasn't even dry on the marriage license before he left you. He'll do it again, mark my words." 

"Mom, Elliot didn't leave me. He joined the Marines to earn money for college, so he could support us. I'm the one who left him and now, thank God, he's taking me back. I love El and I want to be a family again. If you can't be happy for me at least do me the courtesy of shutting up!" 

'That's my girl,' Elliot thought. 'Don't let the old bat get to you this time, baby. 

"Don't you tell me to shut up. Is that the way I raised you, to disrespect your mother?"   
"No, you raised me to be angry at the world and suspicious of my husband, a man whose has never lied to me or mistreated me in any way. You poured poison into me until I hurt the most loving, wonderful man I've ever known. A man whose only fault was in trying too hard to protect me from the horrible things he has to deal with every day." 

"That's another thing, that filth he deals with. You wade through muck and some is bound to rub off on you. Margaret Murphy's son started out read those filthy magazines and now he's in jail." 

"Tim Murphy was a twisted pervert in grade school and you know it. He was groping little girls on the playground in second grade. When I told you he shoved his hand down my pants in junior high you said 'Boys will always try, if a girl acts easy." As if it were my fault. If one of you parents had listened back then, that poor woman might not have been raped." 

"Poor woman indeed, two children and never married. She was no better than she had to be." 

"So she deserved it? Mother that is the most ridiculous thing you've ever said. Why do I even bother to listen to you?" 

"Because I know what life is really like. Your father, may God have mercy on his soul, was just like Elliot. Putting on a good front, but just waiting to run around with the first slut he finds." 

"Okay Mom, that's it. Time for some truth, you made Daddy's life a living hell. You were always accusing him and snooping through his pockets, trying to catch him. Maybe he finally decided he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't, so he went looking for a little warmth. God knows you made this house a freezer. 

"Your day will come, girl. You're not getting any younger. Do you really think he loves you? Those children you tied him down with will grow up and move out and you'll be yesterday's news." 

"We are finished with this discussion, Mom." 

"Oh no, you're going to listen. You wouldn't listen when you were a teenager and look where it got you. You whored around until you finally trapped some boy into marrying you and now that you're about to be free you go running back to him. Just so he can hurt you again." 

"Whored around? Damn it, Mother. I was not a whore. I have slept with one man in my entire life. Are you ever going to forgive either one of us for not waiting until we were married? Don't you think I know I trapped Elliot, even if I didn't mean to? He could have gone so much further if he hadn't had four children to support. I just thank God, he never hated me for tying him down so young." Kathy began crying. "The only one who hurt me was me. I allowed your vile accusations to convince me that my husband didn't love me. That he couldn't love me. Well guess what Mom, Elliot is not Daddy and I refuse to be you. Now I'm going home with my husband and try to make it up to him. You can take all your bitterness at the mess you made of your marriage and all your 'advice' and shove them up your ass. If you want a place in my life, you will keep your mouth off Elliot. I never want to hear another word about my husband or his partner from you. If you can't respect him because I love him, then at least respect him because he gave you four grandchildren who love you." Kathy turned and walked out of the living room, straight into Elliot. 

"You okay, babe?" El put his arms around her. 

"Just take me home. I just want to go home, Elliot." She laid her head on his shoulder. "How can anyone live like that, so full of anger at life. I never realized until tonight how bitter she really is." 

The living room door opened and Mary stood looking at them. "Well you've finally turned her against me." She said to Elliot. "You two deserve each other, a fool and the silly tart he got pregnant." 

Elliot had had enough. "Mary, I have put up with you insulting me for years but you are not going to keep insulting Kathy. You've hurt her enough." His voice had a lethal calm any perp who had gone up against him would recognize. 

"I will speak to my daughter as I see fit." 

"Mary…" Elliot began. 

Kathy put a hand on El's shoulder. "Let's go home baby I think everyone has said enough tonight." Kathy said. "Mom, I love you. Please be happy for me." She kissed Mary on the cheek. "Night, Mom." Kathy turned, took Elliot's hand and walked out. 

Elliot stopped her in the yard. "I wish you'd let me tell her what I think just once. I'm sick of the way she treats you, baby and you refuse to let me stand up for you." 

"Elliot, it wouldn't do any good. She's bitter at the entire world and she's disappointed in me because I will not be miserable with her. God I hope I never end up like that. I don't want to be like her."   
Elliot held her tightly. "Baby, you are nothing like your mother. Now let's go home." 

TBC

A/N- As always, thank you FaithHopeLove, the best beta and email buddy a writer with no confidence ever had. If you hadn't encouraged me to post this one it would still be in my head. (Do you think the world might have been safer?) If anyone reading this hasn't read any of Faith's stuff, do yourself a favor; read all of her posts, she is amazing. Thanks to all of you who have reviewed so far I'll try to update soon but I'm bumming computer time and can only get to it on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I can promise there is more to this, possibly even a series.


	3. Healing Chapter Three

Title- Healing Chapter Three  
Author- garrettelliot  
Rating- R, maybe  
Summary- Home together and a little music  
Disclaimer- You don't own, I don't own it. But we can all dream.  
Author's Note- This chapter contains some pre-sexual content. If this is objectionable to you, please skip this one.

Elliot sat on the sofa smiling. He looked around at his family; Kathleen was talking on the phone with one of her friends. Lizzie was arguing with Dickie over a video game, and someone had turned on the radio. The radio must have been Dickie; he shared his mother's love of country music. The thought of a good Catholic girl from Queens enjoying that redneck noise always made him grin. Once this kind of racket would have had him sending the kids to their rooms, but he was enjoying the lack of quiet. The house had been empty for too long. He needed the racket his family produced.

"You know your grinning like a loon, don't you?" Kathy sat down beside him and handed him a beer.

"So are you." He pulled her close. "Welcome home, baby. I've missed you."

"I've missed us, for a long tome before I left." Kathy snuggled up beside him. "We need to talk about how to not make all the same mistakes again."

"I've been thinking about that. If you want me to, I'll transfer. Major Case and Homicide both have openings. The hours would be better." Elliot offered.

"Absolutely not, no transfers! You'd be miserable anywhere else and we both know it. You need SVU as much as they need you. You would feel lost if you didn't have someone to protect, to fight for. Elliot, you protect our children, Liv, and me. It doesn't surprise me that you want to protect every innocent in Manhattan as well." Kathy slid an arm around his waist. "You just need to remember that I'm a big girl and I can take whatever you need to talk about. Besides, Liv wouldn't transfer with you and I trust you to keep each other safe."

" Nobody needs what I see in their heads." Elliot said.

"El, I'm an ER nurse, I see that ugly shit everyday. Besides, I took the rape response training for work. I'm now the rape kit specialist on my shift. I do at least three a week. Hon, I don't need to be protected at the expense of your sanity. I thought you could talk to Liv and that would be enough, but obviously it's not. When you stopped talking about work, you just stopped talking to me. You shut down and that's what I couldn't take. It played into all the crap my mother fed me for years. It made me doubt you, me, our marriage. We need some new ground rules or we could be right back to the same mess again. We can't lose us, I'll die if we do." She looked up at Elliot with tears in her eyes. "Please, promise me you won't shut me out again. I need to know we're partners."

"I'll try babe, it's just hard to talk to you about the cases." Elliot brushed her hair back and kissed her. "You and the kids are my safe harbor in this mess and I hate to think of you knowing what I know."

"Sometimes you are such a guy. Putting your wife on a pedestal. What a Madonna complex thing to do. Don't you think I watch the news? It's an ugly world out there, my love, and I do know a lot of the same things you know. Do you think because I work in Queens, it's less ugly than Manhattan? The knife and gun club meets on the weekends here just like they do in Midtown." She sat up and looked him in the eyes. "You aren't naïve enough to think I don't understand what you do, are you? You work on putting away the dregs of society… and you risk your life to do it. Don't think it doesn't scare me to think about those things; it does. I live with the fear that someday I'll open that front door and see Don or one of the guys standing there to tell me your dead. But that is part of being a cop's wife and if I want you, I have to risk that. Some things are worth the price you pay."

"Kathy…" He started.

"Don't, we can't promise what we don't know. I love you and you love me and if this is all the time we ever have it's more than enough. Let tomorrow stay in the future. Just enjoy what we have. Besides you're gonna be beside me in the old folks home, ogling nurses so I can smack you for it." Kathy smiled at him. "And Liv'll be on the other side of you, keeping you in line when I doze off."

"How do you know I won't be ogling you? You're gonna be the sexiest old lady I know." He pulled Kathy onto his lap and started kissing her neck. "I may just buy stock in Viagra to keep you from worrying about those nurses."

"You are the most exasperating man." Kathy sighed. "Now I forgot what I wanted to say."

Elliot pulled away. "Sorry, what did you want to say?"

"Who cares?" Kathy said breathlessly as she pulled him down to kiss him. She stopped his hand as it crept up under her shirt. "Bedtime kids." Kathy called.

"Then bedtime Mom and Dad." Elliot whispered in her ear and traced the curve with the tip of his tongue. Kathy moaned and bit her lip.

"I have to go, Jenny." Kathleen told her friend. "My parents are sending me to bed so they can get gross on the couch. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"You know Katie if it weren't for Mom and Dad 'getting gross', you wouldn't be here…and we'll still be getting gross when we're old and gray." Kathy laughed.

"Eww, do we have to talk about you guys and sex? It's too weird." Kathleen said.

"I remember not being able to imagine my parents having sex, don't you, El?" Kathy grinned.

"I still can't imagine your mother….OW!" Elliot stopped as Kathy slapped his arm.

"Behave yourself, or you can sleep on the couch." Kathy tried to scowl at him.

"I don't think so." Elliot said standing with her in his arms.

"Put me down before you hurt your back!" Kathy squealed.

"Not a chance, you must have dropped fifteen pounds. You can't weigh more than 110 now." Elliot gave her a grin. "Besides, you threatened my plans for the evening. Now you'll have to suffer the consequences."

"Body slam her, Dad!" Dickie called from the stairs.

"Oh don't worry, I'll 'body slam' her alright, upstairs." He whispered in Kathy's ear. "No body slamming girls, Bud. Now clear the stairs." El grinned.

Elliot carried Kathy to their bedroom and laid her on the bed. "Don't move. I'll be right back." He walked to the door and called down the hall. " Bed, kids, no stalling. That means you, Richard James."

"Yes, Dad. Night Mom!" Dickie yelled.

"Night Daddy. Night Mom." Lizzie called from her room.

"Dad?" Kathleen leaned out her door. "I'll get breakfast and drive the twins to school so you guys can sleep in."

"Thanks, Katie. Good night." Elliot stepped back in the room, locked the door and turned toward Kathy with a sexy smile. "Alone at last."

"I'm not sure I like that grin, Mister." She teased.

"Oh it's dangerous, baby. Goes with my mood." El stripped off his shirt.

"Why do I feel like a sacrificial lamb?" Kathy said.

"You are, and I'm the wolf that's gonna eat you up." Elliot pulled her up against his chest.

"Promises, promises." Kathy scoffed.

"You better believe it, lady, cause you're sure gonna feel it!" El kissed her hard, then pulled back and looked into her eyes. "I love you, and if there had never been a Maureen or any of the others, I would still love you. Never, ever forget that baby. You are the only woman for me and I never intend to let you doubt it again."

"I love you, El. More than anything in this world except our children, and I will never doubt you again." Kathy promised. "Now are you just gonna talk or do you have something else in mind?"

"Baby, you have no idea what I have in mind." El smiled wolfishly.

"Oh, my imagination is pretty good, but why don't you satisfy my curiosity anyway?"

"Honey, I intend to satisfy both of us." He began kissing her neck and shoulder.

TBC

A/N- Hey, I gotta save something for later. You know what to do. Click the blue button and give me feedback.


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